OT: The 'undateable' theory................

Yea - I'm kinda piggybacking in D............

Could there be such a thing as 'undateable'????  They say there's a mate for everyone in the world - then by definition, homosexuality is natural because women outnumber men so greatly..... but that's not the focus of this topic.... LOL!!!!

Could it be that SOME folk are MEANT to be solo?  Like - if a plane crashes today - my soulmate or whatever could be on that bad boy and now I'm stuck out for life! 

and is it just me, or have you also noticed that in all the posts about relationships - it looks like once you hit late 30's - it's all downhill from there - that the dating scene is basically a field of 'leftovers' - like if you didn't snag your 'take' by 29 - you gotta ride the "Train of Trife" for life?? 



**special notes:  Naomi - please, no diatribe about not focusing on looks and expanding your horizons or having standards - I think we all know where you stand - so say something different, cause we well know about your pigment challenged Prince Charming.....   Rhonda - we know if you get divorced you won't date cause the scene is crazy.  and D'Alexis - we know your ex is the devil and you can't believe you wasted your time and dating these days is full of chicks that you can't 'click' with understand or who turn into crazy hoes unexpectedly - again, say something different and fresh, dawg......**

Ok - with that said.... LET'S SPEAK ON IT!!!!!! 

God girl, are you in my head reading my mind????!!!!   I was just thinking about this and in fact, a few weeks ago I posted on FB a similar thought regarding "finding your Boaz" or your soul-mate.  I do think most people are datable and eventually find there mate. However, to do so successfully, I think it takes some self evaluation and maturing before we are prepared to really be in a successful relationship/marriage. 

I think it gets worse over 30 because, as you said, the pickings seem to thin out.  We are left  with broken people from bad marriages and/or relationships who have not taken the time to heal and unravel what really went wrong and work on themselves spiritually, physically, mentally and socially.  I'd hope that it would get better with age and maturity, but that's wishful thinking.

It's innate to love, but it's not innate to know how to love someone.   Meaning, we feel the feelings, want to share them,  but jack it up most of the time with selfishness and drama.  Most people are carrying around so much crap that gets in the way of really loving themselves and knowing how to love someone else, that the relationship is dead in the water long before it ever really begins, but honestly that may be a subject all to itself and for another time.  

So, I will speak only for myself.  I don't believe there is "someone" for me ( and yes, I am praying I'm wrong)!  BUT I am the EXCEPTION to the rule.  I really do believe God made someone for everyone BUT there are a few of us (an admittedly small group) that for whatever His reason is, are not meant to be coupled.  So, I take my own advice and work on growing me and mostly, I'm focusing on loving others and spending less time wondering will I ever be loved in return.   

I feel you on everything you said ----- lemme pose THIS ---- I'm probably wrong for this BUT - do you ever feel like it's UNFAIR that trifling heffas have men that are trying to be with them whilst you are solo???

I scratch my head at this more than just time to time......

OMG TRINA!!!!!  You are in my head!!  I had this conversation on Saturday morning with a friend.  Baffles me girl.  I see men ( many of them fine as hell too) with woman that drag them around, treat them like **** emasculate them and on top of all of that, look like a jacked up hot mess!!!! AND please, I don't want anyone reading this thinking its cuz the coochie must be so damn juicy and good that a man is willing to put up with that drama, cuz there is just too much choochie out there for ANY man to put up with bull****  I'm tantric and trust me, the magic coochie doesn't have anything to do with it!!

I just look up the sky and ask the Lord why.  Why can't I be loved.  That just opens a whole new can of worms and makes me start picking myself apart...so I just let it go.  I have to get to a point were it doesn't hurt anymore and I stop asking a question that may never have an answer. 

Brenda,

That these men are with "triffling heffas", says more about their state of being than it does the women, no?  A person can be fine as hell, have a great job, blah, blah, blah, all the things that makes him "eligible", but may not be all-together happy with himself for whatever reason..it may have been his upbringing, or just his choice in women. 

You ask how is it these women have someone and you don't.  We never know what's going on beneath the surface, do we?   They may have them for the now, but for how long?  A lot of times, its these same "triffling heffas" who turn into "bitter heffas" when they sometimes do get "screwed" over by these same men, but never manage to see what they may have contributed, to the demise, but I digress. 

Again, that these men are with these women, may INDEED, have something to do with their own self-esteem. 

True.  The grass is not always greener and things aren't always as they seem.  I won't put my business out there, but my life isn't what people think it is.  From the outside, it may appear to be a Norman Rockwell painting, but in truth it's far from that.  That is true of all of us.  No one really knows what goes on behind the doors in most people's homes.  But I gotta tell ya Dwayne, it does mess with your mind at times when, as a woman, you see some crazy mess of a chick with a man who is just treating him like dirt and you are eating soup for one!

WHEW CHILE!!!!  are we on the same page OR what???!!!!!!  LOL

Okay????!!!!!  WTH!!! 

Gurl- I keep wanting to go find my ex-fiance and slap the MESS outta him!!!  I was with him right out of high school and the start of college - I missed out on what was probably my REAL chance behind his crusty butt!!!!!!  LMAOOOOO

and it doesn't help that he's STILL married to the chick he cheated on me with.....

I know 'Vengence is mine, so sayeth the Lord'  but Jesus....... YOU SLOW!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gurl....I know.  Wish we could send the googlie goo goo on him girl!  Not anything major just something irritating like his socks always falling down or chronic halitosis!  Something just annoying enough to be a sideways pain in his ass for the rest of his life!!  BUT we are God's girls and we don't practice that kind of thing!!  ....hey T, think I said that loud enough?

I had to come back and add this....I MARRIED mine Trina..and spent 20 YEARS dealing with his crazy azz when I could and should have been spending time with someone who doesn't require 5 different psychotropic drugs!!!!